Your Struggle is Part of Your Story

I can’t believe this was one year ago. Many friends are preparing to take the very same stage today and tomorrow, and I can honestly say for once I don’t have that itch to be up there too. This was the most difficult show I had prepared for not physically but mentally. I had absolutely terrible guidance, and I struggled with following a plan laid before me that I knew wasn’t working for me rather than deciding to do what my body felt was right. Competing for me has never been about winning a pro card, or being better than the girl next to me, but about being a better version of myself each time. This show I fell short of that in all aspects. I had never felt more let down. As much as I am trying to learn to let go of things, I still have a lot of resentment in my heart. It has been a good lesson learned, but it put a bad taste in my mouth and caused me to struggle for many months to come afterward.

I put my trust into people who failed me which then lead me to feel I failed myself. My prep was handed off from one person to another halfway through without a discussion about it. I was not even given a choice or even asked how I felt. I questioned things the entire way, and each time I was shot down and told, “Don’t worry,” “I’ll take care of it,” “Because I said so,” “Why do you question everything?” Don’t ever let anyone do this to you! If you have questions, ask! If you aren’t getting answers, RUN! Don’t be bullied, and most importantly if your gut is telling you something different chances are it is right!

I have been asked quite a bit lately when I will step on stage again. I honestly don’t have a truthful answer to that. A week ago if you asked me I would have told you never again. Today I have thoughts of it, but know that it is not something in my immediate future. Tomorrow I may have a different answer. I do know that if it is something I choose to do again that it will be on my own terms, I won’t be joining a “team”, and I will be choosing a natural organization over the NPC. Only time will tell what I choose. For now I am enjoying soaking up life’s moments and not feeling that I am missing out or letting any of it pass me by.

Good luck to all of those who are gracing the national stage this weekend. It truly is an experience unlike any other to be up there, and it goes by in a flash. Remember to be true to who you are and always follow your gut feelings!

Keeping It Real,

Hbombs